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Attack of the Turkeys!

For those of you who don't live in Brookline, Massachusetts, you probably missed the article in yesterday's Brookline TAB about the turkeys that are threatening our town. Yes, that's right, Brookline is under attack by turkeys. They live near the Circle Cinema in Cleveland Circle and have begun chasing our residents. The problem is that for years, people have been feeding the turkeys, and as a result, the turkeys have come to expect handouts from humans. So they've started chasing Brookline residents, including a seven-year-old girl on a bicycle who was seriously traumatized.

It would be funny if it weren't so serious. Then again, it's a little of both. After all, as Mel Brooks said, "Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die."

According to the article the turkeys are endangered (turkeys? endangered?) so Animal Control can't just kill them. There's talk of having a meeting to decide what to do, and maybe to relocate them to someplace where there aren't children.

I have a suggestion. Brookline has been feeding the turkeys for years. It's now their turn to feed us.

Early Thanksgiving, anyone?

(In his post about the turkeys, blogger Andy Carvin has put up a video of Brookline's turkeys, for those who wish to see them in action as they terrorize our town.)


My God. There's a grade B Horro Movie script ready to be written right there.

TURKEYS: Town of Terror!
There's already a song about it (Googling some of the lyrics got me nothing, but I have a recording, so it must exist), a town invaded by "turkeys in the trees, hanging by their horrid scaly knees," leading to "endless days and nights of turkey horror" (with some lovely gobble sounds added in).
My sister lives in Canton, and they had the same problem. She wrote a story about it for her town newspaper, where she's a reporter. We have some rather aggressive turkeys here where I work, and one poor fellow got trapped in his car bacause they mobbed him. People don't think when they feed wildlife!
I have the solution!

Load the turkeys on a Green Line train one morning and send them to
Copley Square. That'll keep the free sample folks busy! ;->
I was chased by a turkey as a child. I completely approve of eating them.
Up here, the turkeys know their place.

Probably because we do eat them. Hunting season is April 29-May 31 and Sept. 15-Dec. 15.

At least they're not the national bird.
I live less than five minutes from Cleveland Circle and strangely this is the first I've heard about the turkey problem. No, my problem are geese that live near my work place. They're noisy, messy, and there are a lot of them.
I can just see the preparedness videos now:

* * * Terrorist Turkeys of Brookline: What you oughta know * * *
When Turkeys Attack....Next on Fox!
Turkeys were extinct in Massachusetts. They have been repopulated from a herd in NY. Living in Sharon, there are plenty at Moosehill. Turkey chicks are really cute in the spring.

Please keep in mind that turkeys are pre-Clovis. They have more of a right to be here than us.

Educating people on how to treat returning wildlife is the key. Why are people feeding them???
So, Michael, did you hear about the "moose attack" up in Leomonster recently (I think it was Friday night?). A woman was driving her car on Route 12 and wound up with a moose in the passenger seat. Luckily, she only had minor cuts, but the moose had to be euthanized.
I saw the video. Whoa.
So, I hadn't seen any wild turkeys in our area in a while. Today, I went out running some errands (sent out my manuscript to an editor, picked up more packing boxes, and two wild turkeys dashed across the street. The only other times I've seen wild turkeys in my area, as been in almost the exact same spot.
Yes, I sent those turkeys from Brookline, as part of my mad attmept to conquer the world.
We often see the turkeys when driving through that neighborhood, and consider it a treat... I hadn't realized they were getting aggressive.

December 2016

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